Deep questions of married life

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 27 February 2013 11:49

Throughout my illustrious career as a husband, I've often pondered the deep questions of married life: Are we married to the same woman in the afterlife or do we have to start dating again? Why is marital bliss as elusive as Bigfoot? Is Bigfoot married? What happened to the good old days when husbands didn't have to do housework?

So many questions, so few answers. However, I recently came upon some startling research about marriage and sex — despite a prevailing theory that the two are mutually exclusive.

The great train (ticket) robbery

Written by Jim Cameron
Wednesday, 20 February 2013 13:10

If you had a contract with someone and paid them in advance to do a job, only to find they never provided that service, you should get your money back, right? Otherwise, by keeping the money and not delivering on the bargain, that person would be committing fraud.

Well, that's exactly what Metro-North does to weekly and monthly ticket holders when it sells those tickets but cancels train service. The railroad refuses to give those riders a refund. That's wrong.

Remembering Dad, who rolled his own

Written by Ellen Beveridge
Wednesday, 20 February 2013 13:09

In my mind's eye I can see it all so vividly, a ritual I witnessed hundreds of times when I was growing up.

Dad would reach in his shirt pocket and take out a small cotton pouch with a yellow drawstring. He would select one of the small, oblong pieces of tissue-thin paper attached to the pouch and distribute a small amount of its contents on to the paper. Then Dad would roll the paper as tightly as he could, lick the seam to seal it, strike a match and light his cigarette.

Joe is going to ‘reinvent’ himself

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 20 February 2013 13:08

In our home, we observe a semi-annual ritual that roughly corresponds to the summer and winter solstice. No, we're not Wiccans, and we don't dance by the light of the moon.

At that time of year, we inevitably make an emergency call to the plumber because the bathroom sink is clogged, usually on New Year's Eve. However, we make that desperate call only after two weeks of arguing about who was to blame in a spectacle worse than the Kardashian divorce proceedings. And while I brush my teeth over the toilet bowl, I often wonder why one of my sons-in-law couldn't have been a plumber, or even better, a family therapist.

Who sets the highway speed limits?

Written by Jim Cameron
Tuesday, 12 February 2013 15:00

Crawling along I-95 the other day in the usual bumper-to-bumper traffic, I snickered when I noticed the "Speed Limit 55" sign alongside the highway. I wish!

Of course, when the highway is not jammed, speeds are more like 70 mph, with the legal limit, unfortunately, rarely enforced. Which got me thinking: Who sets speed limits on our highways and by what criteria?

In suburban Maryland, they opened a $2.5-billion toll road last year, connecting Montgomery and Prince George's counties. The ICC, or Inter-County Connector, is carrying so little traffic that motorists complain it's hard to stick to the double nickels (55 mph). So to incentivize more traffic, Maryland lawmakers are talking of raising the speed limit to 70 mph, faster even than the 65-mph speed limit on other interstates.

Beware of bicyclists breaking the law

Written by Joe Pisani
Monday, 11 February 2013 14:33

They say New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is a visionary, a crusader who took on Big Gulp, table salt, guns, potholes, teachers unions, cigarette smoke, Styrofoam and trans fats. I'm not quite sure who "they" are, but they must know what they're talking about.

They also say his aggressive social agenda has improved the lives of countless New Yorkers, both living and dead, and yet to be born, not to mention the countless commuters who pour into the city every day to work in the coal mines. The murder count is down, blood pressure is down, there's less tooth decay, and the city squirrels are happier and healthier because smoking is banned in parks, which means any squirrel caught with a cigarette in its mouth will be fined $250 and banished to Jersey.

Lighter moments in life

Written by Kim Bensen
Wednesday, 06 February 2013 15:00

In 2001, I weighed 350 pounds and found myself starting over — again. It took me two years to reach my goal. During that time there were many exciting moments, but there were also moments of frustration and, yes, humor too. I thought I'd share one with you today ...

It was late winter, about a year after starting my new diet. I had lost more than 100 pounds, but still had 100 to go. I was feeling energetic, alive and full of hope for a healthier future. Then, the unexpected happened. I found a lump. I knew I should tell Mark, see a doctor, something, but I didn't. I waited, checking it frequently, hoping and praying it would go away. It didn't. As a matter of fact, it seemed to grow larger daily. I could put off telling him no longer. It seemed particularly cruel now — just as I was losing so much weight. I so wanted to see this thing through to the end, but now ...

Bring on the broccoli and carrot sticks

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 06 February 2013 14:57

After a lifetime of searching, I finally found the secret to happiness ... broccoli. Well, maybe broccoli and a little cauliflower. It sounds crazy, but this theory is based on valid scientific research, or as valid as scientific research can be.

Revolutionary "findings" by economists at Dartmouth University and England show that vegetables and fruits can boost your happiness level. I don't know why economists conducted this study, which seems more appropriate for psychiatrists and fertilizer manufacturers, but they probably figured the economy is so depressing we have to find happiness somewhere besides consumerism and reality TV.

A cautionary tale for all of us

Written by Joe Pisani
Thursday, 31 January 2013 11:50

A friend of mine sent me a newspaper clip from 1981 with a story about Kevin Wallin, the notorious "Monsignor Meth," as a young man about to enter the priesthood. The headline said, "Life's a well-planned journey for future 'new breed' priest."

The tragic irony is that the new breed of priest in the photo, smiling and mustachioed, wearing a Lacoste golf shirt and khakis, and standing on the steps of Sacred Heart Church in Byram, would 32 years later be at the center of a scandal for allegedly having sex in the rectory dressed as a woman and facing a life in prison for allegedly selling $300,000 of crystal meth and laundering the profits through a porn store. The diocese relieved him of his public ministry as pastor of St. Augustine Cathedral last May.

Flight attendants

Written by Jim Cameron
Wednesday, 23 January 2013 12:19

Any regular reader of this column knows that I hate to fly. I'll enjoy an overnight Amtrak sleeper ride to Chicago over a three-hour flight, any day (or night).

But when I do have to fly, I really like seeing gray hair in the cockpit. The older and more experienced the pilots, the better, (despite this crazy FAA rule that pilots must retire at age 65, regardless of their health).