A quest to find a spark of the divine

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 01 February 2012 00:00

During rush hour I stopped at the newsstand in Grand Central and picked up a book by the Dalai Lama about how to be compassionate. Then, I promptly sidestepped a poor man in a wheelchair who had his hand out for cash.

Does the city suck compassion out of us, or is compassion a commodity like pork bellies that you can trade on the market, by being compassionate to people who offer the greatest return on your investment. Give a little, get a lot ... in the spirit of capitalistic compassion.

Lately everyone is talking about compassion because there’s a sense we’ve lost part of our humanity in the self-obsessed quest for more.

The Occupy Wall Street movement has done a lot to stir up the debate, which leads me to wonder whether they could ever feel compassion for someone like Jamie Dimon, head of JPMorgan Chase, who made $23 million last year and riled protesters when he said it’s time to stop bashing the rich and thinking “because you’re rich you’re bad.”

Dreaming of a good night’s sleep

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 25 January 2012 00:00

All my adult life, one pleasure has eluded me — it’s not what you think, this is a PG column — and that pleasure is a good night’s sleep.

I’m part of what the government calls a “public health epidemic,” along with 70 million Americans suffering from “insufficient sleep,” a condition that can lead to depression, hypertension, diabetes, obesity and other ailments.

About 40% of adults suffer from insomnia from time to time, women twice as often as men. More than half of those over 65 have trouble sleeping, and even though they represent only 13% of the population, they consume 30% of prescription drugs and 40% of sleeping pills. At the same time, Medicare payments to test for sleep apnea went from $62 million in 2001 to $235 million in 2009.

The benefits of arguing with your teenager

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 18 January 2012 00:00

University of Virginia researchers recently made a breakthrough that could change the world of parent-child negotiations. They concluded that arguing with teenagers is good for their health.

But what does it do to your health? As the father of four daughters, who thought they were adults at 13, I’ve often believed raising teenagers is one of the hardest undertakings known to civilized man, second only to watching Jersey Shore without a bottle of Pepto Bismol handy. Looking at how that cast of nitwits turned out, I have to conclude their parents didn’t argue enough with them.

Psychologist Joseph Allen, who led the study, published in Child Development, said, “We tell parents to think of those arguments not as a nuisance but as a critical training ground” that will help a child learn how to handle disagreements in life.

Teens who argued with their parents were able to say “no” to their peers over things like drinking. The study of 157 13-year-olds found the most common disputes concerned money, friends, grades and household chores.

Fending off threats from the K-mafia

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 11 January 2012 00:00

My therapist says I have to stop obsessing over the Kardashians because it’s making me an angry man.

My editor wonders, “Why do you have to mention Kim Kardashian in every column?”

My wife yells, “Put down that celebrity magazine and stop reading about the KARDASHIANS!”

Life is hard. Actually, it wasn’t a therapist. It was the priest I go to for confession, which is about the same as a therapist. And I don’t mention Kim Kardashian in every column, only every other column. And I wonder, could my wife be jealous of Kim Kardashian?

This isn’t a lust thing. Well, maybe only a little. The truth is I’ve become one of those people who love to hate the Kardashians — and I don’t even own a TV.

Celebrities advance the gray fox look

Written by Joe Pisani
Tuesday, 03 January 2012 17:25

I recently stumbled upon a photo collection of aging celebrities that was titled, “Gray is the new black,” and I got really excited because I realized that all these years I’ve actually been a trendsetter, ever since my black hair started to turn gray around age 18 ... and never stopped.

When I considered dyeing it red — so I could look like Ron Howard in his role as Opie — things took a turn for the worse and it began falling out. Problem solved, at least in theory.

Even Rogaine and those herbal concoctions, which smell like sweet ‘n’ sour soup and are supposed to stimulate new hair growth, didn’t help. It was a trying time in my young life, but eventually I progressed through the stages of denial, anger and depression to reach acceptance, although I think I’m back at depression again.

Of course, the advantage to losing your hair is there’s less gray, and while there may be other advantages, I can’t think of any.

Fending off threats from the K-mafia

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 28 December 2011 09:40

My therapist says I have to stop obsessing over the Kardashians because it’s making me an angry man.

My editor wonders, “Why do you have to mention Kim Kardashian in every column?”

My wife yells, “Put down that celebrity magazine and stop reading about the KARDASHIANS!”

Life is hard. Actually, it wasn’t a therapist. It was the priest I go to for confession, which is about the same as a therapist. And I don’t mention Kim Kardashian in every column, only every other column. And I wonder, could my wife be jealous of Kim Kardashian?

Taking his licks and loving them

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 21 December 2011 09:35

When I suggested that our family send one of those end-of-year letters with the Christmas cards, I figured everyone would groan, but they didn’t. They screamed.

“Don’t you dare do that!” gasped one daughter on the verge of fainting.

Those annual updates are always a wealth of interesting news, some of it bordering on the scandalous, like “Crystal broke off the engagement and ran away with her yoga instructor” or “Lindsay was sent back to prison again” or “Charlie finally achieved Nirvana and left us for the Dali Lama.”

Sometimes it’s more than we want to know, although I generally read them from the first sentence to the last ... with envy. The promotions, the vacations and the new sports cars make me wonder what I’m doing wrong. Then, there are the tragic events like the deaths, the illnesses and the separations that afflict us all, those day-to-day struggles we endure as part of this journey called life.

Why is it so hard to do the right thing?

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 30 November 2011 09:20

All of us have suffered regret at one time or another. The tragedy is that by the time we start asking ourselves what we should have done differently, it’s too late.

“I wish I had done more,” Joe Paterno said when he announced his retirement over a sex-abuse scandal at Penn State, involving his assistant coach Jerry Sandusky, who has been charged with abusing eight boys over 15-years.

Paterno’s regret could be the epitaph for all of us — the good, the bad and the indifferent — because no matter how principled we think we are or how much integrity others think we have, occasions arise that test whether we practice what we preach, and the tests can be insidious.

Envy toward exclusive 1%

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 23 November 2011 00:00

I spent all my life as part of the 99%, wishing I were part of the 1%.

I drove a Ford Fairlane, my friend drove an MG sports car. I struggled for dates, he dated cheerleaders. And why, I wondered later in life, did all those business students make so much more than we liberal arts majors?

My friends in banking and finance eventually bought big colonials in the backcountry while I hunkered down in a cozy Cape Cod with four daughters, two closets and one bathroom. What was there to be thankful for?

Envy is a terribly corrosive emotion that can consume you and get in the way of gratitude. We live in a society that is competitive and acquisitive and as a result, thanksgiving doesn’t come easily, even for people who have good lives as part of the 99%.

Lying and denying to get what they want

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 16 November 2011 00:00

I was discussing life on Planet Earth with a friend who worked on many political campaigns, when we turned our attention to the scandal enveloping a candidate accused of sexual misdeeds, which he vigorously and fervently and categorically denied in the time-honored tradition of everyone from John Edwards and Bill Clinton to Dominique Strauss-Kahn and Silvio Berlusconi.

“What do you think?” I asked.

He sighed and said, “They never tell the truth.”

It was an observation based on a lifetime of disappointment.

Sad to say, politicians in the throes of a scandal usually pretend they don’t know the truth or they conveniently forgot the truth or they scratch their heads in metaphysical bemusement and like Socrates ask, “What is truth?”