‘The Jersey Shore’ and Leonardo da Vinci

Written by Joe Pisani
Tuesday, 19 January 2010 12:25

Early Monday morning, my boss said he had a top-secret assignment for me, and that afternoon, I was flying to the land of my ancestors, aka Italy, where I walked the streets of Milan in search of my roots ... not to mention a good dish of risotto. (Of course, I did some work, too.)

I’ve been thinking about my heritage ever since the reality TV show “The Jersey Shore” started making headlines over the scandalous exploits of eight Italian-Americans with fake tans, spiked hair, sweaty muscles and too much cleavage.

With names like “Snooki” and “J-WOWW,” you’d think their ethnic roots could be traced back to the South Jersey dog pound rather than the land that inspired Byron and Shelley.

The “guidos” and “guidettes,” as they describe themselves, find fulfillment by jumping from the tanning bed to each other’s beds and savoring the frivolous pleasures of fist pumping, recreational sex and bar hopping.

In the words of one cast-member, “A guidette is someone who knows how to club it up, takes really good care of themselves, has really pretty hair, cakes on makeup, has tan skin and wears the hottest heels.”

People with functioning brains need not apply. The show is so inanely offensive that Domino’s Pizza and Dell pulled their ads, and Italian-American groups are grumbling about ethnic bashing.

However, every so often a cast member utters something profound like, “Let’s get filthy, creepy and weird.” And I read that for $2,000 plus travel expenses, Snooki will come to your house party and probably do something creepy and/or filthy. These kids are hustlers, but I suspect they’re suffering from a severe shortage of brain cells from applying too much hair gel and bronzer.

As I wandered through Milan, considered the trendiest city in Italy, I asked myself serious questions like, “Can these MTV nitwits really be remotely related to Leonardo da Vinci, Bramante, Caravaggio and Verdi?”

In Milan, Leonardo da Vinci — not to be confused with Leonardo DiCaprio — did some of his greatest work, including “The Last Supper;” the Emperor Constantine signed the Edict of Milan in 313, which ended the Empire’s persecution of Christians; and Ambrose, the city’s archbishop, converted St. Augustine to Christianity in 374.

San Babila is the heart of fashion, and La Scala, where Arturo Toscanini and Maria Callas enchanted thousands, is the most famous theater in the world. Everywhere there is art, history, fashion and great food.

Italians, of course, have their share of idiosyncrasies, which I’m reminded of whenever we have a family get-together. Those traits and habits and peculiarities are often referred to as “cose all’italiana.”

The Milanese author Luigi Barzini said Italian life “under the brilliant and vivacious surface, has a fundamentally bitter, disenchanted, melancholic quality.”

It can also be two-dimensional. While I was in the lobby of the city’s most fashionable hotel, the lounge lizards were scurrying around, dressed in tight black suits with padded shoulders and purple shirts. They could have been auditioning for “The Jersey Shore.”

Joe Pisani can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .