Timing is everything

Written by Joe Pisani
Wednesday, 19 January 2011 23:00

When my daughter came out of the mall, she looked like a different woman, a few decades behind the times and not the same hipster who went into the mall. I almost didn’t recognize her because she was wearing oversized black-rimmed eyeglasses that you’d expect on the president of the Chess Club or the winner of the National Spelling Bee.

“When did you get those glasses?” I asked. “Just now. They’re fake.”

She looked like the kids commonly referred to as “eggheads” in the olden days — the kids who were uncool and unpopular and buried in books and carried their tuna sandwiches to school in Flintstones lunch boxes. She had my genes.

“Get with it, Dad,” she muttered, “haven’t you ever heard of ‘nerd chic’? It’s the latest craze.”

My family belongs to the Craze of the Month Club; however, this “nerd chic” thing has attracted celebrities like Scarlett Johansson, Lindsay Lohan, Justin Timberlake and Justin Bieber, who want to resemble that TV character Steve Urkel.

But the younger generation doesn’t realize nerdism is a state of mind that requires more than a pair of spectacles. You see, I was a pioneer in the nerd movement, a trend-setter in the eighth grade with pimples and horn-rimmed glasses. I’d wear an argyle sweater, a red bow tie and white socks with pegged pants when I went to hip hangouts like Mr. Inzarro’s dance class, where I stumbled across the gym floor in a futile attempt to fox trot, while holding my partner two feet away to avoid body contact and an outbreak of unsightly perspiration as we discussed the latest hit by the Four Preps.

In high school, I was a nerdy guy who acted like a hipster intellectual, carrying around James Joyce’s Ulysses to impress the girls in the Home Economics Club, who knew the secret formula for making bundt cake. What happened to those days? What happened to those girls? Who took the cake? Now, I’d do anything for a good home-cooked meal, a piece of bundt cake and some close fox-trotting.

All my life, I’ve been the uncool guy in the newsroom, like Clark Kent without a Superman outfit, or more accurately, Pee-wee Herman in a Superman outfit. Some traits stay with you forever. As an adult, I’d rather go see T-Rex at the Museum of Natural History than the Giants play at the Meadowlands, unless it’s against Philadelphia.

The real disappointment is that if I’d been a committed nerd, I would have a successful career in banking and be pulling down big bonuses so I could buy argyle sweaters and bow ties at Paul Stewart — or I’d have a job in the IT department with those guys who make mega-bucks and spend the day fiddling with their iPads. Just when it’s fashionable to be a nerd and you can get a good salary and be a sex symbol, I’m on the sidelines.

I guess I’ll take a train into the city to visit T-Rex and find a bakery that sells bundt cake.

Joe Pisani may be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .