School of thought: The waiting is the hardest part

Written by Melissa Grossbarth
Thursday, 09 February 2012 01:00

I can't stop checking my email. Ever since I sent the last of my applications out two months ago, I've been anxiously awaiting some sign of recognition. Even the emails that say, "We got your application!" or "Fill out your FAFSA soon!" give me a little inkling of joy that puts the anxiety of waiting temporarily at bay.

I can't count the number of times I've sat and stared, wishing that something new would show up from one of the schools, or how often I've counted the days until each separate decision date. Some small part of me clings to the hope that one of the universities I applied to will decide to send its decision letters out in the middle of February. Crazy, I know, but waiting for another two months is even crazier, in my opinion. It's all one big waiting game, and I've played right into it.

Honestly, I wish I could skip ahead in time and get my results already, good or bad. Waiting helplessly is far, far worse. A thousand thoughts go through my mind every day — I'll get into every school I applied to, I won't get into a single school I applied to, what if there was a spelling error on my application?, my top choice definitely doesn't want me, how could any of these schools not want me? It goes on and on every spare moment of the day. Needless to say, college is definitely on the forefront of my mind, when, as a second-semester senior, school should be the least of my worries. Having no acceptances makes the wait even more excruciating; not knowing if I'll go anywhere, however unlikely that may be, is painful.

It doesn't help that I'm constantly reminded of everyone else's status whenever I check Facebook. One classmate or another has gotten into some fantastic school, posts about it, and, due to the post's popularity, I now have to read it over and over again for the next five or six hours. On top of that, there are multiple statuses every day. I'm happy for everyone who has gotten in already — I know how bad the wait is, trust me. Still, I'm quite jealous; I wish I could put my mind at ease and say, "Hey, I'm in college! I can kick back and relax for a little while." It's a far off dream for now.

In the meantime, I guess I have to wait. I can vicariously live through my friends' acceptances (and eat their celebration cookies, too), but I'm sure nothing will be quite like getting the letter myself. Sadly, I don't hear back for two more months. It's quite stressful — I don't have to say that twice. But in the end, the wait is definitely worth the reward. If only April came directly after February. Oh well.