Semenetz letters like Mad Libs

Thursday, 12 November 2009 01:00

To the Editors:

From the universe of things you could publish, you descend like clockwork every other week into giving Charles Semenetz a forum for personal attacks and calls that we revert to the Stone Age. Yes, Mr. Semenetz’s letters are both unintentionally funny and a substitute for giving Rush Limbaugh a column, but c’mon. Nevertheless, in the spirit of neighborliness, and to save everyone a lot of trouble since the standard Mr. Semenetz letter will inevitably continue to appear, I would like to suggest a stock form missive from him, and all he will have to do twice a month is fill in the blanks. You won’t even have to edit the letters because you and everyone else will know in advance what’s coming. Here goes:

“To the Editors: The sky is falling. The Democrats are all, and I mean all, guilty of (insert felony). We’ve got to vote the liberal Commie (insert insult used by five-year-olds) out before the (insert name of fringe group with fewer than 300 members) takes over this great country. I’m still blaming President Roosevelt for ruining our nation by thinking that tax dollars should be spent on social programs like (insert Medicare, Social Security, or name of utterly depraved irrigation project). This never would have happened in the good old days of (insert name of U.S. President at least as far back as Calvin Coolidge). Those who disagree with my opinions are (insert insult used by four-year-olds), and they shouldn’t even bother hanging onto their passports once they’re deported to (insert name of country that doesn’t have a Club Med).”

(Any resemblance to Mad Libs is entirely unintentional.)

BRUCE LEVINSON

Katonah, Nov. 6