Apr 30, 2008
Weston teens tell parents what's on their minds
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by Patricia Gay
Weston teens want parents to listen more and offer support without being intrusive.
So said a panel of Weston High School students at a parent-teen discussion forum on Wednesday, April 23 at the Norfield Church Parish Hall.
The forum was held in an effort to help bridge the gap between parents and children to create a safer, more open environment; and to educate parents on what it is like to grow up in this day and age.
The panel was comprised of members of the Youth Leadership Council of the Alcohol and Drug Awareness Program (ADAP) of Weston, and included Danny Goldberg, Dylann Katz, Jordan Masarek, Danielle Tolkin, Ryan Seymour, Khadija Lalani, Meg Sanborn and Ross Karlan.
ADAP has approximately 80 student members in the Weston schools.
John McGeehan, who oversees the youth leadership council, served as moderator of the forum.
He thanked Mike Foster, the president of the Booster Club, for the club’s support in sponsoring the forum.
The panel answered a series of questions posed by Mr. McGeehan and parents in the audience on the topics of transition from middle school to high school, social pressures and expectations, the parent-child relationship, and drug and alcohol use.
Transition
The first topic was about social and academic changes students face in the transition from middle school to high school.
Danny said being in a new school was a bit awkward at first. But he said it gave him a greater sense of maturity.
He also noticed things are more competitive in high school and there are greater challenges than there were at the middle school.
Jordan said being with older kids opened her up to new things. She encourages new students to take part in a high school sport because being part of a team is like being part of a family.
Danielle said in high school, kids have an opportunity to become themselves and meet new people. “There is more diversity in high school,” she said.
Academically, there is a more intense workload and competition in high school, said Ross. He said kids are often comparing their grades and grade point averages. “But, there also is an opportunity to choose your own classes,” he said.
Khadija said there is more pressure on students to do well, and sports are more competitive, too. “There are also social pressures and a lot of influence from upper classmen,” she said. She also noticed more drinking in high school than middle school.
Social pressures
The panel discussed the pressures they face in high school and how they deal with them.
Dylann said she felt pressured in choosing who to hang out with. “You find the kids you have things in common with. High school is not all about the work. You need time to have some fun too,” she said.
Meg said teens learn pretty quickly in high school that teachers won’t hold their hands during the academic process. “They won’t remind you to turn in your work,” she said.
Ross said parents can help by promoting independence. “Allow your kids to explore who they are. Pushing kids just adds to pressure,” he said.
Jordan said one of the things she likes is that her friends feel comfortable talking to her parents.
Ryan suggested that one way parents can keep tabs on their kids is not to approach them. “Let the kids approach you to discuss things,” he suggested.
From the audience, Dawn Egan asked what would be a reasonable curfew for freshmen.
Danielle suggested 11 p.m. “Parents should also use discretion and let kids stay out later if the occasion warrants it,” she said.
Another parent asked what students think about the possibility of changing the start time of school a half hour or 45 minutes later to allow them more time to sleep.
Ryan thought the extra sleep time in the morning would be good because he sometimes has trouble going to sleep at 11:30 and then getting up early.
Khadija, wasn’t so keen on it if meant after school activities such as sports would run later.
Danny said kids should adjust their schedule to get more sleep.
Parent-Child relationship
The next issue was how parents could become more approachable and relate better with teens.
Ross said his parents support what he does and aren’t judgmental. “If I fail a test, they say try to do better next time.”
Ryan said his parents allow him to have free time on the weekend.
Time management is an issue for Jordan, so she said she is a big supporter of “Mental Health” days. She said her parents also encourage her to take power naps when her workload becomes overwhelming.
Danielle said teens put a lot of pressure on themselves. “Treat kids as individuals. Just listen to them without making judgments. Ears are the most important thing you can give to your child,” she said.
Jordan said one way to get kids to talk is be their friend. “Remember, you were once a teenager also,” she said.
Danny said some parents fail to realize there is a lot of pressure on students and they make kids ashamed of themselves. “It is better to support them than criticize them,” he said.
“Don’t compare older and younger siblings. Let each child be different,” said Dylann.
The panel said parent gossip — when parents tell others about things the teens tell their parents in confidence — can be damaging to the child-parent relationship.
Drugs and alcohol
The discussion then turned to the topic of drugs and alcohol.
Ryan said there is a lot of peer pressure during freshman and sophomore years on kids to drink or use drugs. He said he sees younger kids drinking in order to impress older kids.
The panel said children are affected by their parents’ behavior with drugs and alcohol.
Danny said when kids are growing up, what their parents do sets their comfort level.
“Adults have a great influence on kids,” said Ross. “If adults are drinking heavily, it sets an example.”
Dylann said parents need to look at where they keep alcohol in the house. “How available is it? Do they lock it away?” she asked.
Members of the panel also said they have been to or heard about unsupervised and supervised parties in Weston where alcohol was served, and it was not that uncommon.
A parent asked what illegal substances kids were experimenting with in Weston.
The panel collectively responded that marijuana use was big, along with alcohol, and prescription medication such as Ritalin and Adderall, which are prescribed for Attention Deficit Disorder.
Teens also take energy drinks along with Ritalin and Adderall for extra stimulation.
At the end of the discussion, parents thanked the teens for being candid and helpful.
For more information on the ADAP program, visit www.westonadap.org.
© Copyright 2008 by Hersam Acorn Newspapers
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